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Haven6
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Name: *kris
Country: United States
State: New Jersey
Birthday: 11/3/1980
Gender: Female
Interests: groovin & dancin to all genres of music, clubbin, playin & sumtimes sucking at Pictionary, laughin at jackasses....
Expertise: bein lost =p
Occupation: Student
Industry: Computers (Internet)
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
11/10/2002
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| it's officially 2006. it's a new year and yet i feel like i'm back where i was a few yrs ago, alone on new yrs and even sleeping through a couple of those celebrations. i wasn't alone last nite though, in fact i was with a rowdy group of at least 18 people. i wish i was able to put all my thoughts aside and just enjoy the anticipation of the new yr. i ended up drinking a little too much in one sitting and passed out for 2 hrs. i guess i wasn't ready for the new yr. i didn't want to have to count down the seconds when all i wanted to do was rest & fade into sleep. i had already witnessed a count down earlier in the night as my coworker chatted w/ people in the UK. We saw them bring in the new yr with cheers and spilt drinks as they hugged and sang Auld Lang Syne. in another part of the world it was already at least 23 hours into the new yr.
the tradition of marking another yr gone no longer excites me just as Christmas no longer reminds me of a religious holiday, but a time to receive and give presents. i am reminded of the days that have meaning when i look at a calendar, but i am also reminded that those days come and go and is impractical to hold on to them since time and the complexities of your mind will alter them regardless of how it actually happened.
i wish things happened differently last nite as i was trying to put on a smile and muster up the energy as they counted down the last 5 seconds and to return the numerous blessings of a better year ahead. instead of a smooth transition into 2006, i managed to distance myself from the person that i care about and that cares too much about me. as much as i wanted to just express the simple saying "happy new year", my mouth was frozen and my arms failed to embrace the figure that looked sadly into my eyes. as much as i wanted to make things feel right for the new year, i let the dark part of my mind control me as i sat there staring back, somewhat heartbroken because i was wallowing in a moment in time that tore a piece of me and affected me more than it could ever mean to anyone else's eyes. it's as though no matter how i want to let go of past hurts, it takes a toll on me and i am end up becoming motionless when all i long to do is embrace happiness.
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| live interactive cam & several other cams, so choose a view LIVE in NYC. be safe and enjoy the rest of 2005 cuz 2006 is on its way!!!
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|  season's greetings *chirp chirp*
 have some fun, but be safe during this holiday season. | | |
| have
u ever felt the kind of anger that consumes you until it drives u
mad? have u ever felt that knot in ur throat, the kind that makes
u shake and feel like you can punch a hole in a wall. have u ever
felt the numbness that makes u stare at something and not see it
because the thoughts that swirl in your head blurs anything in
sight?
then as soon as
you get your sense of sensibility that halts any violence, you feel
anguish in your chest. you start to heave w/ repressed grief
until it pours out of you with a feeling of confusion. a feeling
of bitterness w/ an emptiness that fills every part of your
being. it's inescapable until a faint thought of hope surfaces
because nature seeks it to survive.
i hate
feeling miserable sometimes because situations are certainly worse for many
other people. i hate the pity that i feel because what is there
to pity? i hate my heart wanting to forgive & let go and how
my mind fights it with such passion. i hate the battle that
seems uncontrollable because what's done has been done and can't be
erased. i hate not being strong enough to look to the future and
not dwell in the past. i hate the resentment that lingers.
i hate how i know i have something that's good and rare, but something
always taints it.
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| sometimes it doesn't make a difference even if you hear what you want to hear. there can still be a part of you that doesn't fully believe even if it's spoken, written or acted towards you, there's still a lingering doubt. if one is in a situation where things are going well, there's a dark side of nature that looks to find something wrong. and when things are going wrong, there's always a need to find something good to hold on to that's in the past. you search for something & when it's found the mind tries to sort out whatever it is to come to a conclusion. only the mind is a complicated maze. the eye can see objects exactly as they are, but the mind can see what it wants to see, whether it's beneficial or a hindrance. both sides can be a predicament. the mind can be quite terrible sometimes... what do u think?
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